The War of My Soul

The darkness is closing in. My heart is pounding so hard I can hear nothing else. Yet, there’s nothing else to hear. There is only silence…silence…deafening silence.

I remember the words: “Trust in the Lord…” “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death…” “Fear not for I am with you…” But i do fear. I know, I know, the Lord is with me…but where?!

My mind races. It’s alternately filled with terror, then the Word, then terror again. My mind screams at me. “Where is your God?” He answers, “Here!” And calm seeps in again.

Still, I find myself here, in this world with enemies on every hand. It’s so hard to fight because the enemy is so hard to see. He comes dressed as some of the best people I know; my friends, even. His methods are subtle. Before long, I’m back in the dark room of my mind. I’m in the fight of my life. Where do I turn? I hear my enemy calling, “Where is your God?”

There is calm again. I remember the words of my Master. I hear Him answer my enemy, “Here I am!”

As the deer pants for the water brooks, so my soul pants for You, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God; when shall I come and appear before God? My tears have been my food day and night, while they say to me all day long, “Where is your God?” These things I remember and I pour out my soul within me. For I used to go along with the throng and lead them in procession to the house of God, with the voice of joy and thanksgiving, a multitude keeping festival. Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why have you become disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him for the help of His presence. O my God, my soul is in despair within me; therefore I remember You from the land of the Jordan and the peaks of Hermon, from Mount Mizar. Deep calls to deep at the sound of Your waterfalls; all Your breakers and Your waves have rolled over me. The Lord will command His lovingkindness in the daytime; and His song will be with me in the night, a prayer to the God of my life. I will say to God my Rock, “Why have You forgotten me? Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?” As a shattering of my bones, my adversaries revile me, while they say to me all day long, “Where is your God?” Why are you in despair, O my soul? And why have you become disturbed within me? Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him, the help of my countenance and my God (Psalm 42).

Hang in there. God loves you and so do I.

Donnie Bates

The Shadow

When you and I think of a shadow, we think of the area of darkness which is the result of light being blocked by something. Consider for a moment, however, that each of us casts a spiritual shadow. That shadow is a reflection of what’s really happening in the spiritual realm as a direct result of our actions. Consider the following fictional story as an illustration of what I mean.

Joey is on a business trip that is very important to his firm. Joey is a Christian. He is also an alcoholic. He is deeply ashamed of his condition, but many times in the last few months he has not been strong enough to resist (or just did not try to resist) the temptation to drink. His family has suffered as a result. His work has suffered. His career is in peril. This may be his last chance to keep his job and his family.

Earlier in the evening, Joey arrived at his hotel. He knows no one in this city. No one is looking over his shoulder. In the hotel restaurant, the waiter has just handed him a menu and a wine list. The people sitting at the other tables notice nothing out of the ordinary. They see, if they even look, nothing but a man looking at a wine list, just as they had done a moment before. They cannot see the shadow.

Joey’s thoughts turn to his wife and children who love him very much and have walked with him for several “second miles.” He thinks about his boss who has given him “another chance” so many times now he cannot remember how many. He thinks about how much he would like to have a glass…no, a bottle, of wine to take back to his room. He thinks about the fact that if he does, he will never make those calls tomorrow and how his career will most likely be over. His thoughts turn to the cross where his Lord was nailed. He imagines the blood that dripped slowly to the ground under the cross; blood that was shed because of his sins, and, ironically, to wash away those same sins.

The shadow that no one sees portrays an entirely different scene. Instead of a calm picture of a man lost in thought, there are two figures. One appears to be a soldier, dressed in battle armor, armed with the sword of the Spirit and the shield of faith. The other resembles a dragon, but instead of breathing fire, he is firing flaming arrows as fast as he can. They are locked in deadly combat, and neither seems to be giving ground or gaining headway.

The waiter heads back to Joey’s table. “Have you made a choice, sir?”

“Yes,” replied Joey, “I think I’ll have iced tea!”

At that instant, the sword strikes home. With a roar the dragon quits the field of battle, gravely wounded. The soldier of the cross has won this battle and gained more strength than he could have imagined, but the dragon is still out there in the darkness…licking his wounds…biding his time. He will be back.

What a different world it would be if, for one instant, all the world could see the spiritual shadow each one casts. How many times has a shield been lowered and the fiery darts of the dragon struck home and a soul lost? Let us never forget that for all its invisibility, the shadow is no less real.

Sometimes it doesn’t seem like we’re making any headway at all in our Good Fight. We go back and forth; this time resisting temptation and the next surrendering to it. Our shield of faith (Ephesians 6:16) extinguishes some fiery darts and some get through. And it is all terribly frustrating.

In our story, no one but Joey, his enemy, and his Lord knew of his victory, but it was a victory nonetheless! You may not feel like you’re winning, but if you hold fast and remain “steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord” (1 Corinthians 15:58) you are winning the battle and you can say with the apostle Paul (who felt the same frustration): “Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1).

There is reason to rejoice, dear friends, even in the face of the most discouraging news or events. If we are His (faithful to His will), He is ours (our Defender and Champion) and we cannot be overcome. Take that truth into battle with you and overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loves you (Romans 8:37). God loves you and so do I.

Donnie Bates